Grief Is A Process: $66,305.41 Paid, $19,002.66 Till Payoff

Just Be There
Death seems so final. There are things we wish we could have said and done with loved ones before they pass away. It stings more as you grieve and people ask, “Is there anything I can do”? When the pain is indescribable, the best thing anyone can do in your time of hurt is be there.

I lost my biological father at an early age and recently lost my stepfather. As the Bible says, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy” –Proverbs 14:10. I simply wish someone can just reach into my chest and take this pain away.


My Guilt, My Shame
I too am guilty-that even in our best intentions we are selfish. My encounters have been, “We will keep you in prayer”, “I’m sorry, I’m not available right now”, “How about tomorrow or next week”?
Or worse… the deafening silence from those you thought were closest to you.

But I have a friend in Christ who sticks closer to me than a brother.

Grief doesn’t have a schedule; it strikes at any moment. The most painful thing to hear at this time from someone is that they are too busy. Why are we too busy to comfort the ones we love? It leaves me to wonder, do we really love people as we claim to?

The Deepest Hurt

I now know not to ask, “What can I do” for someone who is grieving. It is best to just be there and serve the brokenhearted. We overthink what service looks like and in fear of rejection, we do nothing. At times, I don’t want to speak.

At times, I don’t want to have to explain that maybe I do need a cup of water or food after hours of sitting alone thinking about my fathers.

The pain of losing two fathers in my life cuts deep. I pray my children won’t have this same experience of loss at the ages of 6 and 33. I guess what hurts most is that neither man got a chance to meet my children.

The Future Isn’t Bleak
I am grateful for this pain because I understand more now than ever how important fathers are. I desire to grow old and witness the births of my grandchildren. Lord willing, I want to be a father who is involved in the lives of my children, my son and daughter-in-law(s).

I want my friends to know that I love them and I support them. I want to be a man who shows his wife what my submission under the authority of Christ looks like.

As part of bowing down to authority, I have debt to pay back. “The wicked borrow and do not repay…” -Psalm 37:21, and I don’t have time for wickedness. Below is an update on my student loans. Until next time everyone! Stay strong, fight on, and have no debt but love!